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Aloha friends,
It's time to tell the beautiful story of my miscarriages. This story has been a long time coming, and I’ve been looking forward to telling it for ages!
My wish and my knowing is that whoever hears this; my heart will touch yours in that moment. This is the very raw and real way that I know how to love, by bearing myself to share my heart.
Here is the story. It’s on the podcast, so please give it a listen.
…or if you prefer written words, here’s a written version of the story. Or better yet, enjoy both because they each cover points the other didn’t.
My previous partner and I always sort of assumed we would have kids. As I approached the dreaded 35 year old cut off everyone talks about, (please hear the cutting sarcasm and acid venom in my voice as I say that) we said we probably better start the ball rolling if we are gonna do this. So we got married after 8 years together and wound up pregnant the very next month.
One day while I was pregnant I sat on my bench, in front of my altar and began to meditate as usual. Suddenly in my peripheral vision I saw something and whipped around to the right, with my eyes still closed.
Sitting next to me was a young man, …
maybe 20, he had sandy blonde hair with short soft curls. “Hi Mom!” he said, and my whole body reacted, signifying the truth of those words. Tears began to pour from my closed eyes.
I've spoken with many babies in the womb, but that was the first time I had seen my son. It was more powerful than I can express.
I didn’t ask him any questions, I didn’t need to, so much passed between us.
From that day I felt his energy really strong hanging out off my shoulder.
After that his energy went back to feeling more baby-like, I felt him hanging out off my right shoulder most of the time. He chatted me up often, not usually like hearing a voice like it was that day he sat next to me, but projected thoughts and energy like I'm used to getting in meditation or during a reading.
At the 9 week mark I miscarried. I was home alone going through the physical process; my partner was working out of state. I lay on the couch sobbing as the insane waves of hormones washed over me. (Guys, the hormones were No Joke!) And the whole time, I felt my baby off my right shoulder. He never went away, he was unbothered, to him nothing was wrong. Here are some of the things I remember he told me that week.
"The timing wasn’t right, it’s no big deal we will just do it again"
"I just wanted these special first few months with you twice"
"I'm coming right back in a different body"
He was so chill, no change at all.
Happily talking to me, happily making plans. This was not an issue to him, not a tragedy, not a mistake, it was all in his plan and he was having a ball!
When people would say things to me like “your little angel is going to the light” I’d get so annoyed,
“Hello!” I would think, “He didn't GO anywhere, he's still right here chatting away at me!”
I never felt like I 'lost' my baby. I felt grief over the end of the pregnancy and lots of emotions but it didn't feel like a death.
Fast forward 6 months and my husband told me he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore. In his heart of hearts he knew that he needed to go on a different path. I was devastated, I grieved not only for the loss of my love and best friend but for the loss of my future family and the life we had built.
Although divorce was so painful, I wouldn't change it.
I am endlessly proud of myself for how we went through it, how I grew, how I loved, and same for him. We are great friends to this day.
In meditation my two children (yup sometimes now there were 2, a boy and a girl) would come and visit me. But while I was going through the pain and unknown of divorce, I was afraid that interacting with them would make me more sad or feel like added pressure. So one day I told them, "Go find your father! I’m not gonna do parenthood alone, so if you expect me to do this, go find your father!”
And so they gave me space…. and they went and found their dad.
The man of my wildest dreams.
The man I knew I'd been calling in.
The very man I had been seeing and feeling was out there for me, walked into my life so quickly it made my head spin.
He was the second date I went on. He knew I was his person even before I did. I told him "I think I carved you out of the Universe", and indeed I had.
This isn't a tale about the depth of my love for him, as remarkable as he is, and how my affection for him could fill oceans, so I’ll continue. But I will say this: if you're in a place of heartache or struggle, I stand on the other side telling you that inner voice whispering, "There's a reason for all this. It'll get so much better you'll scarcely believe it. Keep going because the next phase is a hundred times better."
Yeah. Listen to that voice.
Less than a year into our wonderful relationship and we had a very surprising pregnancy. We were freaked out and super excited. We had to kick into gear, our relationship unleveled, our work unleveled, and I had some major triggers to deal with. My system was scared, does this mean you're about to change your mind and leave me? Does this mean I'm about to have another miscarriage? I worked with those fears, and with myself and he stood strong and held me through it.
At 10 weeks we found out we were miscarrying.
He held me in the doctor’s office and we cried together.
"I was just getting you ready!" our baby said to me with a smile. "I was setting everything up for when I come!"
And sure enough, as I looked around I was dumbfounded. Every aspect of our lives and ourselves had been, and kept, up-leveling. Our relationship with each other was even stronger and deeper and more stable. So many of my old triggers had healed. Each of us had grown SO MUCH. Our commitment to each other had deepened. Our readiness to start a family had gone way up. Our businesses had evolved, and we had begun working together more. My family’s business and our relationship and the way we work together had leveled up. The list went on and on. I stood back, seeing what a dramatically improved and upgraded life this magical little being would be walking into the next time she or he (this time I felt a girl) came into physical, and I marveled.
A few years later we were actively trying to get pregnant and had a 3rd misscarriage. Again, the shifts and changes it created in us was profound, anchoring in the commitment we had to each other and the future.
I had been feeling the tug to return home to Hawai’i.
It took us a year and half to make the big move with 3 animals but we did it! 3 weeks after we arrived on Maui, we wound up getting pregnant. It was a huge shock as we’d been going through fertility treatments unsuccessfully, and here we’d gotten pregnant the old fashioned way.
The end of the story is also the beginning … we have a very happy, healthy baby and we are in sleep deprived heaven. Our son is a beacon of love and presence and joy.
I'll reiterate: his plan trumped mine. His timing couldn’t have been more perfect, even though it was 7 years after my schedule.
I’m forever grateful for my intuitive connection, because this connection, this awareness, this understanding, these tools made these miscarriages beautiful, and far far easier than they otherwise would have been otherwise.
I believe no one should ever have to think they are alone, and that everyone deserves to know how connected, loved and supported they are, and how to access that support. That’s why I teach people how to have this intuitive connection.ore note on all this…
In many of the teachings I’ve studied and in my experience energetically looking at miscarriages or abortions they are commonly one of a few things:
The same being comes back in at a later time (often this was just getting you ready)
A being choses this path to get sort of a toe dipped in the water, experience of physical, i.e. it was always meant to be a short experience and it’s perfect that way!
One of your guides or soul family comes in to help you in a big way, i.e. never had any intention of living a full physical life, but was just coming to have an experience with you specifically.
If, like many, you've faced a miscarriage (or abortion— they are energetically similar), I hope my story or some part of it uplifts you or brings a touch of understanding.
Sending you love always,
Cara
Transcript
[00:00:05] Introduction to the Podcast
Welcome to the Playful Spirituality Podcast, a place to reconnect to spirit, to reclaim your unbridled wildness, and to bring you home to you. I'm Cara Vianna, and I'm honored to be on this adventure with you. This is a place to discover your magic and your superpowers. And yes, you definitely have them.
It's designed to tap you into the unconditional love and support flowing to you, and to help you access that wild, unbridled joy that we so often lose touch with. You can expect all sorts of resources, from spiritual and practical tools and teachings, to guided meditations and energy healing. We'll have some special guests, and even some live readings.
This show is for all of us who are humaning, to help you navigate this ride of life. If you are open to a little more support, more ease, [00:01:00] a broader connection to the universe and to yourself, then stay tuned and find out what might be possible with an infusion of playful spirituality.
[00:01:13] Personal Story: The Journey of Miscarriages
Alright y'all, I'm, I'm gonna tell you a story today. I'm gonna tell you a personal, very personal story that I've been... Thinking about telling for years and I was very purposely waiting. I'm going to tell you the story of, um, my miscarriages. And the reason I'm going to tell this story is because I think this is a different take on miscarriage than a lot of people have.
And my hope is that Maybe it can bring some peace or some insight or some, some, some something, some support to somebody. [00:02:00] I've been waiting to tell this story because I wanted to wait until there was a healthy, happy baby in my arms. Not that I was ever secretive at all about miscarriage, but I didn't really talk about it very publicly, for sure to, to community and groups and friends and any person I met easily.
It's really, really fascinating that because I was so open about having had miscarriages Other people, when they would hear me talk about it, would also then in turn share with me their story. And I cannot tell you how many women I met who, when I spoke freely about it, said, you know, I, I had a miscarriage too.
And how many women would say, I never told anyone, or my husband's the only person that knows. Or, I didn't even tell my partner. And I [00:03:00] get it. I Really, really understand why we have this societal pattern of not talking about pregnancy until you're in the second trimester, and in some ways it's really supportive of women because it does suck, I can attest, you know, to tell everyone and then have to go around and tell everybody you miscarried, but it also can sometimes breed a pattern of lack of support and going through something hard all on your own, so for me personally with each pregnancy.
The question was, after the first one, with the subsequent ones, the question I asked myself is, if I were to miscarry, whose support would I want? And then those are the people that I want to tell that I'm pregnant, which basically means family and friends, all my, all my friends, all my family. And my reason for waiting to tell this story [00:04:00] was because Number one, I didn't want pity.
And I think that will make more sense as I tell these stories. And number two, while I was in the space of manifesting a baby, I didn't want other people's doubt or fears or grief or sadness for me to cloud my own manifestations. That was my reason for not publicly sharing about this in a bigger way before.
And now, as you know, I have an incredibly healthy, vibrant, energetic, seven month old baby who is downstairs squealing right now. I don't think you can hear him, but I can. Having a great time squealing because he's, because he's getting some mashed up, what's he eating down there? Avocado. And he had some strawberries and he thinks food is the greatest thing, so he's having a great time down there.
Our story begins... [00:05:00] Seven and a half years ago, actually, if you go way back, ironically, all through my twenties when people would ask me if I wanted to have kids, I would say, I guess, yeah, probably. Like, probably I will, but in like 10 years. And I just kept on saying that when people would ask, Probably in like 10 years?
Yeah, probably. And I just kept getting older and I kept saying that, and then I was in my 30s and I was still saying, Yeah, probably in like 10 years. And everyone was like, Carrie, your biological clock expires at 35. So you better get off the pot. Like, shit or get off the pot. So I told my partner at the time, like, okay, if we're going to do this, like, we're probably going to have to do this.
And I was in a relationship with a wonderful man who is still a very, very dear friend of mine, so please don't let the ex husband title make him sound like a bad guy. And we had a beautiful relationship. So we said, okay, we're going to do this thing. So, well, let's get married which we had been planning on doing for a long time and just hadn't.
I'd been putting off. So I said, okay, let's do [00:06:00] the wedding thing first and then we'll do the kid thing. So we got married and then we said, great, let's, it'll probably take us a while to get pregnant because it takes a long time and, and it didn't. Very very first month we tried, bam, pregnant. And it really shocked us.
[00:06:14] Meeting My Baby
But there we were. Okay. We're pregnant. I remember going into the doctor's office for the first scan and they were like, how old are you? And I said I'm going to be 35 in two months. And they were like, okay, then you're fine. And I was like, wait a minute. If I had gotten pregnant two months later, then I would have been a geriatric pregnancy and I would have needed all this other testing.
But two months before, and you're telling me I'm fine. That's just fucking stupid. Which I maintain is fucking stupid, but, but I get it. They have to make a cutoff. They got to do something. So anyway, everything seemed to be going good and one day I sat down to meditate on this bench in my meditation space and I hadn't even hardly dropped into my meditation.
I didn't have any [00:07:00] plan in the meditation to do any particular thing. I was just coming to sit down and all of a sudden I, sitting right next to me as a person. It was so vivid and so real, probably the most visually real meditation I've ever had. And I whipped my head around to the right. I don't think I opened my eyes, because I was seeing with my eyes closed.
But it was so vivid, it was as if it were very real and present. And it physically felt present. There was a human being, a full grown human being, sitting right next to me. And I whipped my head around. Shocked. And this young man, maybe 22, with his kite. I remember some like soft curls and like a light blondish, something sandy colored hair and he just gives me this big smile and he goes, Hi mom!
And so I don't remember the rest. We proceeded to have a chat, I think. [00:08:00] And all through the pregnancy... I could hear, I think it was my right shoulder, there was, the energy of the baby was like, it was like the baby was sitting up on my right shoulder and just kind of jammering away at me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Just talking and I could feel his energy and we just kind of hang out. When I... miscarried, which was really pretty early. It was only nine weeks. Nothing changed with the baby. He was still hanging out on my shoulder, still yammering away, and I felt so much grief, and there was a lot of hormones, and there was a lot of crying and bleeding, and you know, it was about a week, I would say, of, of like, maybe not even that long.
I remember I ate a pineapple fritter the size of a dinner plate. I was alone. My, my husband at the time was traveling for work. He got home, I think, the next day. So I had gone and done the [00:09:00] doctor's appointment, found out by myself, and then come home and the next day I picked him up at the airport and he was like, Hey, what do you need?
And I was like, Donuts. laughs So there was just a lot of, you know. Snuggling in with a heating pad and crying, eating junk food maybe watching movies or something, I don't know, for a couple days while I was going through the process. But all through this time, the baby never left. And I remember one day I was driving in the car, and I was feeling sad, and then I felt the baby's energy right there, still over my right shoulder.
And he said something like, I'm coming right back. Don't worry, don't worry, I'm coming right back. And then he said, This phase, this part, meaning like this early pregnancy part, it's just so delicious, I wanted to do it with you multiple times. I wanted to do it with you again. And, I don't [00:10:00] remember, those were some of the things I remember.
I mean, I'm sure he said a lot of things. I do remember that when people would say things to me, really well meaning, and I knew they were really well meaning, but they would say like, I'm so sorry for your loss. And they would say like, your baby's with the angels now. And I would be like, no, he's fucking not.
He's still right here. He's still sitting on my right shoulder, yammering away, nothing has changed. So although I felt grief and the loss of the pregnancy, I didn't feel like anyone died. I didn't feel like, and I know this is not the case for everyone, I'm, this is just my own experience. I didn't feel a sense of, just because he was still right there.
[00:10:41] The Impact of Miscarriages on Relationships
And so fast forward, I wound up having, we, we closed out, dissolved that relationship after 10 years together. And I believe that the miscarriage in some ways was a catalyst for that. [00:11:00] And please don't let me freak you out, not to say that we had a miscarriage and it caused us to get a divorce. Really, on an energetic level, what was happening, and I think I've talked about this in a different podcast episode, was that I was really powerfully attracting all of, so much in relationships, so much in life, so much in, in all of these things.
And my partner at the time was no longer... An energetic match for it and he started to have this feeling and this intuition that was like telling him that he was done So we divorced and it was I mean divorce is not for the faint of heart Even the way we did it which was full of a lot of love it was still really painful And we maintained a really great friendship But it wound up bringing me So much.
And I remember sitting in meditation one [00:12:00] day um, during the divorce process, and my baby shows up. And this time, he's got another little spirit with him. There's two of them. And I was pissed! I was like, don't you come knocking at my door! Go find your father! Because I am not willing, don't put any pressure on me, which they weren't, but I was grieving and sassy.
I said, don't put any pressure on me. I am not willing to do this by myself. There are a lot of really tough women out there, really, really amazing women, who are like, yeah, hell yeah, I'll sign up to do momhood alone. And I was like, no, I don't want it that bad. I just don't. So if you want to come in and you want me to be your mom, I'm all for that.
Go find your father. And they did. So I wound up meeting my current partner really quickly after that, I've told that story [00:13:00] before. And during the divorce process, because I was then 36, cause maybe that whole process, you know, was about a year or something. So then I was 36 and I thought, well, what are the chances that, you know, I'm going to have time to meet someone fall in love and start a family, I don't know.
So I just sort of let go. I just surrendered and I was like, whatever's meant to happen as far as a baby goes, I don't know. I might be outside my window, I'm just gonna let go of that and, and be okay with it. And I, and I was. So when I met my partner, it wasn't even something that we were really actively focused on in the beginning.
[00:13:47] Surprise Pregnancy
We were just building a relationship. And one year in, we had a very surprise pregnancy. Very, very surprised. I remember there was one day, boy, he [00:14:00] really, really got on board with it, like instantly, and I was shocked. Because we hadn't been planning one way or the other, kids or no kids, really. I remember one day where he had kind of a freak out about it, and he was like, I don't know if I'm ready, and I don't know all these things, and I don't know, and, which, you know, is a really normal thing to think, right?
But of course with all the hormones coursing through me, then I freaked out and was like, Oh, no, maybe you don't even want to be a dad. And I remember he's, he was like, hey, like, chill out. It was much more dramatic than this for both of us, I'm sure, but chill out. He's like, I'm 90 percent excited and 10 percent scared.
And right now I'm just in the 10 percent scared. And it was so helpful for me to have those numbers. I was like, Oh, you might be more excited than me then. Cause I'm way more than 10 percent scared.
Then when we miscarried, it was so [00:15:00] clear that the baby was like, I said very, very clearly, I was just getting you guys ready. I was just getting you ready. Like priming the pump. I had to get you ready first, the two of you had to be ready. And so that really like kicked us into gear into this like, well, are we gonna, what are we going to do?
Are we going to try to have a family? And. It really began those conversations. It began us trying to plan and figure out what we were going to do.
[00:15:26] The Struggle with Fertility Treatments
And it was a couple of years, I think, further where we had decided we were going to try to get pregnant and we'd gone and talked to a fertility doctor. We had, I think, now I'm getting a little confused with the timeline of things.
I think we had tried one or two rounds. of IUI, which is the, unlike IVF, it's the like baby version where they take sperm, they, [00:16:00] and then they put it in like a syringe with a hose on the end, and they just inject the sperm up in past the cervix. So the idea is that the sperm doesn't have to swim nearly as far, it doesn't have to swim up the vaginal canal, and it doesn't have to swim through the cervix.
So a much higher number of sperm. Get up towards the egg to increase your chances and they pump you full of some hormones. I mean, they don't have to, but they can. And they did pump me full of some hormones because at this point, how old were we? I don't know. 40. And those were not successful. But then one of the months where we were not trying, IIUI, we wound up getting pregnant all on our own.
And then when we miscarried that time, so we're now three miscarriages in, in total. And our ages are getting up there, and I had started to have this really powerful calling to move back to Hawaii. [00:17:00] When I met my partner, I had been living on the Big Island in Hawaii for 13 years. I had no intention of ever moving.
But he lived in Colorado, and so I said, Okay, well, I'm mobile. I'll come out to Colorado for a while, but with the caveat that we're going to move back to Hawaii one day. And he said, okay, so it had been a couple of years in Colorado and I started to get that knock knock knock Feeling of the islands calling me home.
[00:17:24] Moving: The Final Piece?
And so we'd been working towards this move back home to Hawaii and it it took us a while. It's not necessarily the easiest move to make it's one of the most expensive places It was it was a lot for us to financially figure it all out and move our whole lives and three pets and everything else. So it took a while and we got here.
I began the process of, we had done several more rounds of IUI with no success. [00:18:00] I don't know that we had, that we were going to be a good candidate for IVF. I think the doctor originally had told us that we probably wouldn't be, we'd need to probably use a donor egg. And So we had started the conversation and, and the.
Zoom meetings or whatever with the fertility clinic that's out here on the islands and they said okay great Here's we want you to run a couple more tests and then we can have a conversations with you about IVF We were trying to figure out how we're gonna pay for it And all the things and we were waiting for my period to start because as soon as it did then I needed to like the next day hop on a plane to fly over to Oahu to do this test they wanted me to do.
[00:18:41] The Joy of Successful Pregnancy
And both of us had been on a lot of different hormones. My partner had had to do immense hormone therapy and so had I to try to boost all of our numbers, which was not fun as you can imagine. And the day that my [00:19:00] period was due, I got this nudge from my higher self that was like, Hey, you should take a pregnancy test.
And I was like, No.
Because I had learned that For me, it was more fun to not take a test and and live in the space of possibility for a few more days than to take a test and feel the disappointment of it being negative And so I was like, no, I'm not gonna take a pregnancy test and I got the nudge again this push on my shoulder like hey, hey, hey, hey So I muscle tested.
Am I pregnant? And my body said yes, and I was like, you're a liar! Because I am very accurate when it comes to muscle testing except for the question, are you pregnant? My body would always say yes to this question and I'm like, obviously you just want to be pregnant and you're excited and I want and that is messing up our muscle testing here.
But I can still feel this nudge, so finally exasperated, [00:20:00] I go, Look, is there a specific reason why it would be important for me to know today? And the muscle test was so emphatic, it almost knocked me over. I had to like, hold out my hands to catch myself on the counter. It was so strong. Yes! So I was like, okay, fine.
And I didn't put this together, but what was happening downstairs... I mean, I knew what was going on downstairs, but I didn't understand that this was why this was why I needed to take the test right then. Because one of the hormones that my partner had had to take, which is like a normal hormone that gets prescribed to men and women in fertility often, there had been some weird FDA thing and...
The compounding pharmacy was going to be unable to get this hormone. So he had gotten as much of it as he could for like a couple months worth and that was running out and now the cost of this [00:21:00] hormone, which was like, I don't know, a couple thousand dollars a month, cost prohibitive to keep taking it. He had figured out how to get some and was having to go through this very complex process.
Because he, he just ordered it from another country. He was having to like, rehydrate it, and, and filter it, and do all this chemistry stuff, which he had to teach himself, because who the hell knows how to do that. And then he was gonna attempt to inject himself with this stuff he'd gotten from another country.
So anyway. This is what was going on downstairs. He was learning how to do this and I take this test I set it on the counter and I'm like Cara just wait the five minutes and don't look at it And I'm expecting a negative because we haven't done a round of IUI. We've just been You know trying normally and [00:22:00] and we've been moving we've been under a ton of stress.
I've been sick like I suspected this was a very, very low chance. So when I looked and I saw the positive pregnancy test, you can imagine my shock. I looked at it many times. And then I went to go running downstairs and tell him. And he was like, you mean I don't have to take these? He was about to inject himself with these crazy, sketchy hormones.
He's like, you mean I don't have to take this? And I was like, no, you can be done with the hormones. And... I'll tell you that, I'll tell you one more really beautiful story. So, of course we were pretty scared about, we were 42, so our window, we felt like, was, you know, at least with our numbers, was dwindling.
And... We were ecstatic about being pregnant and ecstatic about saving [00:23:00] the immense amount of money that we were going to have to borrow or figure out where to get to do IVF. And just so excited to be done with all the hormone journey. So, that very first scan that we went to go into, we were really terrified.
Especially me, because we had been into, that was the scan where we had, at the last miscarriage, learned that we were miscarrying. So in prep for that, I was doing all this work to release the fear because I was making myself physically sick and anxious with so much fear. And so I had people all over the world supporting us and sending healing.
And one of the things I did was reach out to my EMDR mystic therapist who had been with me since before a divorce, and so she has seen and was supported me through all three miscarriages. She did a really beautiful thing for me. She said Cara this one's gonna stick and we know this one's gonna stick because [00:24:00] we know looking back in hindsight the reason for all of your miscarriages and I was like, yeah, you're right.
You're right we do we do and she went through them with me and she said we know that first miscarriage was to end that relationship because that wasn't meant to be the father of your baby. And we know that second miscarriage was to get you guys primed and ready and to solidify in that you were going to have a family.
And we know that third miscarriage was to feather the nest and strengthen your relationship and do all of these other things to spark you getting out to Hawaii and doing all of, all of the things that you've done that have made this the most epically perfect timing for you guys to have a baby. I could see that so clearly.
Everyone who was rooting for us around the world knew we were going in for our scan that day. And I'd [00:25:00] been really, really visualizing, we're gonna see a heartbeat, we're gonna see a heartbeat. And when we did see his heartbeat, there was this amazing wave of... Relief and love and tears. And as soon, I couldn't wait to get out to the car and tell everyone because everyone was waiting, like holding their breath for us.
And so I sent out these mass text messages around the world and everyone responds back in tears. Everyone was like, I'm crying right now. And I felt this eruption of love, like around the world, this eruption of love for us and for this baby. And I just knew how brilliant his timing was. How brilliant! And I thought the timing had been good in all these other circumstances, and I could have given you a million reasons, and from the outside it looked like the timing was good, and it was!
But this was better. This was epic timing. And then, it has been. It's been [00:26:00] amazing and miraculous and beautiful and so much fun.
[00:26:04] Understanding Miscarriages: A Spiritual Perspective
One of the things that I want to say One of the things that I know about miscarriage, and you can believe anything that you want to believe, right? This is what, this is what I know for me, and this is what I know when I have looked and studied this.
Many times, it's the same spirit coming again and again. For me, I never had that, like, powerful biological clock saying, have a baby, have a baby, have a baby. And I never had that dream of always being a mother. I didn't not want kids, but I didn't think it looked that great. So part of what was really helpful and important for me and the miscarriages is that I met my baby.
That was something that kept me moving forward. And for some people it wouldn't, for some it wouldn't, for me it did. So I was really going off of this intuition, this higher self push saying like, yeah you're gonna have a kid and this is [00:27:00] what you're gonna do and do these things and put in all this effort and work.
And of course, my baby, calling me forward, right? So a lot of times when I look... When someone has had a miscarriage, and by the way, abortion is the exact same thing. You could listen to all of the things I'm saying and just replace the word. I actually get the words confused often because they are so energetically similar.
Same exact story for, it makes no difference. When I look at a miscarriage when I'm doing a reading or with my own, with friends, oftentimes I see, oh, that was the same baby. Like, That miscarriage that you had is the same baby as your other baby that you have running around now, who's six or whatever.
And, and there's so many beautiful stories out there about children talking about that, when they're just talking. And they'll say, that time that I, that I was in your tummy, before the time I was in your tummy, and they'll talk about it. And another really beautiful thing that I have seen is that, and I think it's [00:28:00] helpful for us to remember, is that when a soul comes in, that soul has the intention of this life.
Please and no, not everything is preset. But when you're talking about a really, really, really short life like that, that was planned. That soul knew exactly what it was doing, and it was on purpose. Coming to live that six week or eight week life, coming to live that very, very short experience for, for, I mean, what a beautiful experience if that's all that you needed and wanted in just coming to swim around in the pure love of another human being.
How gorgeous. Once with a friend of mine, we were in ceremony together, and she had had a miscarriage, and when I looked, I saw one of her spirit guides had come to do that with her. This was a being that had no intention of having a physical human life, had no intention of, you know, wasn't planning to come back, was, [00:29:00] was sort of operating and in this time and space as one of her guides, but said, I'm gonna come forward and do this experience with you, for you, and with you.
So it was this immense gift for both of them and that was all that was meant to in that case it wasn't like a foreshadowing of future pregnancy. That was the whole experience was just this amazing, beautiful gift that they got to do together. So here's my advice if you have had a miscarriage or you know someone, if the way that I'm explaining all of this here brings you some sense of peace or relief or you just like it or it feels kind of good to you.
Take it. Take it. If it doesn't feel good to you, if it butts up against things that did give you relief and this doesn't, toss it the fuck out. Say Cara's full of shit. She probably doesn't know what she's [00:30:00] talking about. Great. If it doesn't make you feel good, then I don't know what I'm talking about.
Pretend you didn't even listen.
[00:30:07] Supporting Someone Through a Miscarriage
One more thing I do want to say is if you know someone who's going through miscarriage or has recently been through it, it can be tricky to know how to support them because for some people it feels like they've been through a huge death and they're in the grief of a death and they want to grieve it and view it as As a person who has died and for some people like me That was not what I was feeling grief and loss for sure, but not in that same way so it can be hard to know how to broach the subject.
For me, right, right away, when I was deep in it, in the, you know, days or a week or so right after, people's messages of love and condolence were great. But after that, once I had processed it a little bit, then I wasn't in the energy of wanting that. You know, I was wanting maybe love and [00:31:00] support, but in a different way.
So I think it's okay to just ask. A girlfriend of mine recently went through a miscarriage and I said to her, Before I, I want to be here for you and I want to love you and I'm surrounding you in so much love and I just want to know where you're at in this process so that I can know how to love you.
You know, is it helpful for me to hold space in the grief? Is it helpful for me to hold space in the beauty of the experience? Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to be distracted? Do you want to, you know, do you want to go out for ice cream? Do you, what are you needing right now? And I think it's okay to ask.
I think it's okay to offer that support and be wherever people are at. Some people are going to want to Have an actual funeral or some kind of ceremony. Some people are going to want to do something to commemorate it. Some people want to feel it and then move on. There's really not a wrong way to do this, so please don't judge anyone going through it, however they're going through it.
[00:32:00] Please just... Follow their lead, and whatever it is that they're showing you, help support them in that.
[00:32:07] Conclusion: The Beauty in the Journey
I can also tell you that, at least for me, it was a beautiful experience. It was a beautiful experience. And yes, this baby was very actively seven and a half years in the making, but it has It's brought such a fine, poignant power to the desire.
It has me in a space of reveling this experience to such a degree that I would not have known to do if I hadn't had all of the experiences that I had. So thank you for listening. I hope this was beneficial to someone.
[00:32:46] Closing Remarks and Future Episodes
If you're all sick of hearing baby motherhood related stuff, don't worry, our next episodes something different.
As always, I'd love to hear if there's anything you would like to hear about in future [00:33:00] episodes. We love to hear questions and topic ideas, so you can send those over anytime on any of the platforms. Deep bow of gratitude to you, my friends, for showing up for yourself and taking the time for this experience.
If you enjoyed this, and I hope you did, it would mean so much to me if you would write a positive review. And please, share this with your friends who you think might enjoy it. My team has set up some free presents for you, including a guided meditation, an energy healing, and a sneak peek into one of my programs.
So go to caraviana.com to download those. With the deepest love, cheers to all that you are.
Please let me know your thoughts! Like, Share, and Comment below <3, Cara
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